The Art of Cyberflirting
February 14 2003 - Employees are spending a great deal of working time on the
Internet - some of it spent flirting. University of Western Sydney researcher Dr Monica
Whitty has made a study of the art of cyberflirting. She finds that men in particular prefer the safety of cyberspace when it comes to
flirting with potential partners.
Dr Whitty surveyed over 5600 men and women worldwide to determine whether
people flirt online and how cyberflirting compared to face-to-face flirtation. And despite
the lack of non-verbal cues to convey sexual attraction, she found that participants
found cyberflirting to be just as effective as offline flirting, if not easier.
"Overall 59% of people said they flirted more offline and 22% said they flirted more
online. However when asked which form of flirting was easier, there was virtually no
difference, with 42% choosing offline and 41% choosing online," says Dr Whitty.
"Particularly interesting was the fact that 46% of men said it was easier to flirt online,
compared to 39% offline, while for women, the results are virtually the reverse.
"You would expect that being online and having none of the non-verbal cues - such as
smiling, laughing, tossing of hair, quick or demure glances, flirtatious speech and
suggestive body language - might inhibit a person’s ability to flirt.
"However these results show that a lack of social presence is no impediment to
cyberflirting."
Dr Whitty says to combat the lack of non-verbal behaviour, people employ basic online
flirting codes.
"For flirting to occur in cyberspace, the body needs to be represented through text. So
instead of making an effort to look physically attractive like you would offline, people
use their online textual exchanges to describe what their bodies look like and how
attractive they are," she says.
"People use emoticons - drawings made from grammatical symbols - as an alternative to
non-verbal gestures. Smiley faces, winks and kisses have become the online substitute for
body language.
"And rather than laughing and giggling, people use acronyms like LOL (laugh out loud or
lots of laughs) and BG (big grin). Cute, suggestive or flirtatious screen names also add
to people’s repertoire of online flirting behaviour."
Dr Whitty considers that men find Internet flirting easier because it’s low risk
compared to putting your heart on the line in a public bar, at a party or a sleazy
nightclub.
"Cyberspace provides a safe, anonymous space to play and experiment. There’s more scope
for fantasy and to open up emotionally. Rejection is less likely to cause distress when
you can disconnect at any time, and the chances of ever having to meet your cyber-playmate
in person are slim," says Dr Whitty.
"It makes developing relationships easier for men. Many men feel enormous pressure to
initiate contact with a woman and ask her out, but are put off by the thought of being
humiliated. If they are rejected online, they don’t have to see this person or talk to
them again, which lessens the blow."
But even with the opportunity to play and experiment when flirting online, Dr Whitty
says that men and women are still reluctant to move beyond traditional gender roles.
"Despite the changes in our social conditions, it seems men and women still flirt in
distinctively gender-defined ways - whether they are offline or online," she says.
"The women surveyed emphasised their physical attractiveness online and employed the
online equivalent of non-verbal cues such as smiling, laughing and touching. On the other
hand, men gave more attention to their social economic status, education, intelligence
and demonstrated wealth by sending virtual flowers to the object of their affection."
According to Dr Whitty the results challenge the theory that the Internet is a place where
there is a meeting of minds, in absence of the body.
"With cyberflirting the body is successfully reconstructed in cyberspace," says Dr Whitty.
"Cyberflirting as a form of communication is set to increase in popularity. Perhaps
people flirt more face-to-face at the moment given that it is still the customary way
to initiate romantic relationships. However given the numbers of people who say it’s
easier to flirt online, we need to reconsider how relationships might be initiated in
the near future."
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