When Your Business Makes Your Spouse Unhappy
by Teresa King
January 10 2002 - This article is unfairly geared more toward women then
men.. though there will be men who need to know how to manage their time and the problems when the spouse feels
neglected. Because women and men are not the same and they do have different needs.
As an online entrepreneur I meet many people from all
walks of life. The most common problems are:
* My Spouse is Unhappy
* My Family Doesn't Understand
And for women...
* My Husband wants me to Quit!
So, let's dig into these problems and how to handle them.
To begin with, in a relationship, it takes compromise.
It takes understanding that though you are a pair and have
common goals, you are also individuals with different
desires that do not always make your partner happy.
This does not mean, by any sense of the words that I want
you to "walk on eggs" around your spouse. It does mean
that you have to make time for your loved ones. Not because
that you are afraid of standing up for your rights as an
individual, but because you love them.
Being on the net trying to start a business is your goal
and your dream, unfortunately, if you are working a full
time job, walk in the door, give your spouse a perfunctory
kiss, and turn the computer on... Someone, is going to have
hurt feelings.
The computer can wait, the email won't walk off and disappear.
People on the net know that you are not on the computer
24/7. They expect to wait for an answer. So calm that
anxiety about checking your mail.
Your family can't wait, so make time for them. Get them on
a schedule. It sounds strange, however it works.
Family dinners are getting lost all over the world.
This is the time when people should be talking, asking
about each other's day and finding out how the kids are doing
at school and sharing. Make that time.
Your spouse and each child needs about 1/2 hour of quality
time with you. Dinner is generally a ten minute eating session,
stretch it out a little bit. MEN, this is a great time to
help your wife clear the table, and for you two to talk a
bit more.
After the dishes are cleared, and you have thanked her for
a wonderful meal, then turn your computer on... set a timer
for one hour; stop what you are doing and ask her if she
needs anything. When that is done, sit back at your
computer and set the timer again.
Women, many of you are at home moms. You have a job, it
is a 24 hour job at that. However, when you learn how
to streamline your housework and schedule your time to
fit in with your husband's time frame, you can easily
become a success on the net, and still have a happy
husband.
If you are a working mother, then my utmost
respect to you, as I know how hard this is for you.
You are juggling a tremendous amount of work.
Let your spouse know that your goal is to work at home
so that in the long run you will have more time to spend
with the family, apply what can fit, to your needs in
the following part of this article.
Wait until he goes to work to turn your computer on.
Have dinner on the table when he comes home, and spend
time with him. As soon as he hits that TV... you turn
your computer on. Set a timer, for an hour, and check on
him.
On the family and their complaints.. if it is relatives,
give them a schedule when they can call and visit. Tell
them you are working such and such hours like any other
job. And, put your foot down!
On children, make sure they are getting the attention
they deserve. They do not need attention all the time,
and they can learn that mommy has a schedule when they
should learn to play quietly or do their homework. Kids
are smart and can easily be slipped into a schedule.
Consistency always works.
A hint for men: Women like to tell you their problems
about their day. Let them talk about it. As a man, you
tend to want to fix things for them. Generally, women
don't need their day fixed, they just need a kind ear.
And, while you are listening, do not look with longing
towards your computer.
>A hint for women: Men like to keep their problems on
the average locked inside. They like to work their own
problems out. However, when they ask for help, be there
for them. They are also simple creatures by nature, and
seldom like change. They like having their meals at the
same time, and to know that chair is waiting for
them in the same place it was yesterday.
Many men do not like the idea that their woman wants to
work...They hear it as: "You are a failure, you don't
make enough money." Tell them this is a personal goal
of your own; that it is important to you that you have
some successes in your own life; that being a housewife
is wonderful, however it is not enough to fulfill your
needs. Most men can understand that. Just don't neglect
them in your quest for success.
And, most importantly, sit down with your family and tell
them what you are doing and what your dreams are and the
sacrifices that you are making so those dreams can come
true. Then ask them to have faith in you and to help
you reach those dreams.
To keep out of arguments, avoid words like "You always,"
and "You Never".... this will key in an argument faster
than you can say Christopher Robinson.
To your improvement with your loved ones!
Copyright Teresa King, January, 2002
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